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Is my faith as big as my child's?
When our firstborn child Marshall turned two, I finally had the courage to open myself up to another child, if it was in God’s will. I had spent most of the past two years being overwhelmed with one child, so the fact that we were opening ourselves up to another one was terrifying.
I cried the first month when I thought I was pregnant.
Pregnancy was terrible for me;
Labor was actually traumatic for me;
The healing process was long and arduous;
AND
For the first four months of his life Marshall cried constantly.
The images of moms cradling their sleeping newborns or sleeping babies in car seats are not something I can relate to AT ALL!
The terms “reflux” or “colicky baby” are understatements when trying to describe the difficulties we faced with Marshall’s health. He had one of the most severe cases of gastro esophageal reflux disease (GERD) that his pediatric gastroenterologist had ever seen.
As a first-time mom, living four hours away from my family in a relatively new city, it was enough to almost send me over the edge.
The following year we were still trying. Ovulation kits had become a line item in our budget and I was diagnosed with the very profound “unexplained infertility” label. The next step was to try the lowest dosage of Clomid I could take.
Long story short, I ended up in the hospital, and Jon and I decided since we had wanted to adopt our third child, we would just adopt our second one instead.
We did some preliminary research, attended an informational adoption meeting with an agency, and quickly realized we couldn’t afford it.
We kept praying.
God used two couples to challenge our faith. At separate times, Sam and Amber Blossom and John and Kylie White both suggested we consider raising support. I had only heard of this happening with one other couple and the circumstances were very different from ours. But at the end of the day, we wanted to give a child a home who didn’t have one, and we wanted to add to our family, so we figured if our desires correlated with God’s will for our life, He would answer our prayers and provide the tens of thousands of dollars that we needed to bring our baby home.
We started the paperwork to adopt domestically in December 2009 and began praying with Marshall about expanding our family through adoption. Jon and I laughed when we heard the sweet words,
“God please give me two babies.”
We quickly assured him that we weren’t adopting twins! I had seen how hard that assignment was and knew there was NO WAY I could survive that.
Marshall continued asking God for two babies despite our continual reassurance we were only getting one. We ignorantly thought that we could “help” God teach Marshall about prayer by helping him to pray a prayer that God might answer. We thought he would be more inclined to continue to ask God for other things and expect answers.
We submitted our family profile to lots of birth mothers and it seemed like we either never heard back from them, or they would pick a couple who had no kids. Finally, in May 2010, we heard something good.
A birth mother wanted to interview us. She had narrowed it down between us and another couple.
A week later we got the call. SHE PICKED US!!!
I was driving home from work when I got the call and I started shaking.
I couldn’t believe we were actually getting a baby.
Someone was going to carry a baby, birth a baby and then hand over a baby to us….forever.
Not long after we got that call, we found out we were expecting.
What God? We thought you were answering our prayer about adoption? Now I’m carrying a child?
We sought counsel from a few friends we trusted, and then decided God was saying YES TO BOTH.
In July on a short walk to the beach, our tender hearted four-year old put it all together.
“Mommy, God answered MY prayer about two babies.
God didn’t answer YOUR prayer about one baby.”
How small is my faith?
Mark 10:14-16
He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.
What others are saying
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 6:49 am Ash - Watching you walk through this has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. It has grown my faith. So many people would have said no to that adoption and I LOVE that you knew she was yours and your family is beyond precious. Not easy (as I've seen you in action) but ll of joy for sure. Thanks for sharing something so close to your heart. |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 8:02 am Tears in my eyes. Amazing depiction of years of struggle and celebration. I am still challenged by the faith of your family! |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 9:07 am What a blessing! I agree with Courtney! I have 3 boys and they were all under age 3 for the first 3 months of my last child's life. I've babysat for both twins and triplets and although not my own, I still believe having them all together would have been easier than the small separation in age. They are 4, almost 3, and 16 months now. It's still tough, but I promise it gets easier!!! Hang in there, and thank you for sharing something so personal. I have so many friends with similar stories of struggle that could certainly use some encouragement from another who's experienced similar things. Your family is precious and I wish you all God's blessings! |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 9:24 am Tears reading this...as always, your story continues to remind me about the bigger Story God is writing in all of our lives. Love you girl! Thankl for your friendship along the journey... |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 9:47 am Ashley - Your story is precious and your family is adorable. I know you are rejoicing in God's gift of your littlest blessings. I trust the joy of the big picture will help you through the business of your days with three little ones. Are there any reflux issues with the girls? |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 9:56 am Wow. What an amazing story. Thank goodness for the faith of children. |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 10:01 am Hey Ann! We miss you guys so much! Yes both the girls had very sever reflux as well! Our GI specialist was baffled that we ended up needing his help with all three kids especially since they don't all three have our genes! I'll share that story another time if Court will let me! Both the girls still have to be on medicine or else they will be throwing up all over the place. Even Hollins at 15 months will still throw up! BUT, they are all happy now and have been mostly healed from the severe problems they started with, praise God! |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 2:27 pm court will let you tell that story tomorrow! :) keep em comin ash - in all your spare time. |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 5:35 pm I love this blog! I love this story. It is precious. I have chill ps all over at how God grows us in such beautil ways, all while giving us gifts that we could not imagine our lives without. Such a beautil story. |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 6:11 pm Oh, sweet Marshall. There really is nothing like the prayers of a child. Clearly God got the glory through that answered prayer as the faith of so many was deepened. |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 9:02 pm Ashley, you are beautil. Your heart is beautil. Your family is beautil and your writing the same. I am so gratel for your story. We love you and our rejoicing over your faith tonight as we read this story. |
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Posted on: October 25, 2011, 9:12 pm I LOVE YOUR STORY!!! |
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Posted on: October 26, 2011, 9:05 am This was so precious, Ashley. Isn't God good. |
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Posted on: October 26, 2011, 6:08 pm I love God's voice through our children. They have the perfect delivery. LOVE the Nolan family!! |
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Posted on: November 1, 2011, 5:03 pm Hey! I never knew about Marshall's prayers for two children. :) Thanks for sharing. It brought tears to my eyes as I read this!! Your family is definitely a blessing. |
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Posted on: December 17, 2011, 11:21 pm I've got tears in my eyes reading about how God answered Marshall's prayer... and the verse that you gave at the bottom of your post was what I was thinking. Awesome!!! :) Thank you for sharing :) Website: www.faithcomethby.blogspot.com |
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